Year in review

As I reflect on the craziness of this year I am grateful for all of it. From our newest little member of our family to going to back to school and Eric's new job where he is gone a lot. I have learned so much about what I am capable of doing and accomplishing. See most of my life I have been made to feel that I was never going to be able to accomplish all that I knew I wanted and should do. I gave birth to our beautiful little boy and was sustained by the Lord and my loving and caring eternal companion. I was also able to do extremely well in my first semester of graduate school at the same time. I am so thankful for all the help the lord has given me. I have learned so much this year.

2011 started with me learning how to enjoy every second of life and by doing so joy can be found in every moment from cleaning soap paint and crayon off to wall to every hug and kiss given by my precious little girl. I also learned from her that our Lord and savior are with us always. No matter what we are doing. Now I am beginning to pass that knowledge on to little Hyrum and to my own heart. As the year went on I have learned that when your focus is on the divine you will be able to accomplish all the Lord wants you to do. Even if the house is cluttered and the dishes get a little back up or you never quite get that last load of laundry caught up, the things of eternal importance and purpose will be accomplished. My children will learn the important lessons I am trying to teach them. I will be able to do all my heart righteously desires to do to help my eternal companion. My husband and I will be able to work out our differences and become more of one unit. While in the world's perspective this year has not been great I have learned so much and will always look back on this year as one of great personal growth that has helped me to fully embrace this new chapter in my life as a wife and a mother. May the Lord continue to guide me through this life so that everyday can be lived to the fullest.

30 Years

Sunday, I turned 30 years old. I don't really feel any older but is was a wonderful day. Eric made me sweet rolls and I was able to cuddle with each of our kids individually. Hyrum is a lot easier to cuddle with. At church Eric was so sweet and took care of Mackenzie and her unwillingness to sit still, for fear of falling asleep. I was able to listen to the Gee Family and also spend some quality time with Hyrum. We had dinner with my parents and it was so sweet the way Mackenzie kept singing happy birthday to Mommy. Of course that song was quickly replaced yesterday with twinkle, twinkle. I am just so grateful to be here and to have accomplished all that I have in 30 years. I know that everything I have accomplished is due to the Lord. I am looking forward to at least 30 more years and more children and excitement. I would like to say thank you to everyone who has been apart of my 30 years so far. You all have made it worth it!

Ticking Time Bomb

So, Hyrum's due date has come and gone and he is still nice and comfortable in mommy's tummy. Needless to say he is the only one. I am so ready for this baby to be born. Mackenzie keeps telling him, along with Eric, it is time to come out. Although I think she will miss the built in seat that is mommy's tummy. We have had to rearrange his clothes a little because there is no way he is going to fit any newborn clothes. Also I have been trying to walk as much as I can. Sunday evening/ Monday morning we went into the hospital with contractions and pelvic pain but I was not dilated enough to stay. I had finally had it and just cried. I felt like such a failure but my nurse was amazing and helped me to see that he will eventually come. He have an eviction date of November 7th. So right now he can come on his terms or on the doctors. They did give me some pain medicine which help me sleep, all day. But is was very much needed. As we were driving back home Eric told me that while my prayer of Hyrum coming has not been answered yet, his of me being able to relax and rest did. So if anything our crazy midnight ride to St. Mark's on all Hallows Eve was worth it.

The joys of Mackenzie

So we have enter the toddler tantrum phase. Sorry to all of our neighbors who have heard Mackenzie's cries as her daddy tries to put his foot down, when they are outside. She has had a very strong set of lungs since the day she was born. I feel for him. She will get upset with me but because I am home with her more often and she knows that I stick to what I say she knows how far she can go with me before she is in time out or has privileges taken away. Eric however it is a little different. He is so soft hearted and is trying to figure out his style of disciplining. He is doing a great job but I can tell it takes its toll on him.

Even with the tantrum phase she is also starting to love reading and books even more. I know, I know we are in trouble and will probably need to build on to our house for both her books and mine. I love to read with her. She is also very curious, always asking questions about the world around her. We don't have a whole lot of mine problems but she is very much aware of whose stuff is whose. She has also picked up talking about herself in the third person. Once again thanks to me and Eric. Also the other day I was humbled when I accidentally said something I don't usually say in a bout of frustration and right then and there she picked it up. I know that she is teaching me how to be a better person and I am so grateful for that.

Today we decided to finally decorate for Halloween. We out up lights outside and then Mackenzie wanted to play with them. Eric did a great job keeping her from playing with them but she was not happy. However, even with the tantrums and the frustration we are also loving that fact that she is talking more. She has even started to tell her little brother it is time to come out. I think he is listening to her for little by little my contractions are increasing.

I am having a hard time being patient mostly because I want to hold him and have our little family complete again. I know it is all in the Lord's time but I need to learn patience. Right now I am focusing on getting my family ready for Halloween and for Mackenzie's birthday along with working on my midterm due this next week. I know if I don't do this I will become obsessed with Hyrum coming and I know that just liked a watched pot never boils, it will be even more painful if I don't just let the Lord take the lead here.

I just hope that I can have a smooth delivery with a health but not too big of a baby that is not over due. I hope that I will be able to trust whoever watches our little princess and not worry about her well-being during labor. I pray that Eric and I will be able to fully enjoy this birth and be able to work together to bring this little guy into the world. Right now Hyrum is getting ready and also still enjoying kicking mommy from the inside out. I think he might be just as athletic and fearless as his sister. If so Eric and I are in big trouble.

The Lord's Timing

So as of today we are at 38 weeks. I am so ready to hold my little boy. Even more I am ready to be able to run, play and clean my house the way I like to. I have had to learn a lot of patience in the last few weeks as my mobility has become more and more limited. This would be fine if it were not for the outside worries that I have.

The first big thing is that if Hyrum waits until the 30th to come we will not have our most trust babysitter, my mom. She is the only one that I feel completely comfortable leaving Mackenzie with. While I know that others to a great job, she is my mother and Mackenzie knows it. My greatest desire besides bringing a healthy baby boy into the world is that my daughter will feel safe and loved as we add this new member to our family. I know that I need this because otherwise I will worry the whole time about her. Also I need my father to be with Eric. My father is a strong, meek man who as always been a strength for me. He has become such for my husband as well.

It is hard to have firm faith that the Lord knows the desires of my hearts and my needs. Especially when other family members poke holes or try to in your confidence. I am tired of feeling alone in my worries. I am tired of feeling as though the support I have is only superficial. I know that we are in countdown mode. I know in my heart that I will not be pregnant for ever. However, I am exhausted. I need the help with the last mile or so of this journey. I am a very positive person but even the most positive get down at times.

I struggle is with the fact that there is so much I want to get done for my family and friends. I worry about my visiting teaching sisters. I worry about my neighbors. I continually pray for them. However, by the time I have gone to class, done what housework I can, played with Mackenzie, read with her and helped Eric where he needs me. I am exhausted. I am able to fight through the exhaustion to read my scriptures but then I fall asleep. And every time I do that I cry when I wake up. This is because at least half of my to do list for the day did not get accomplished.

Eric got a new job this week. We are sure exactly when he starts but it will be long hours. I know I will have support from my amazing family but I am worried. He has been such a blessing to have at home over the last few months, even when he drives me nuts! It will be hard to have him gone more. However, I know that even though I will have two children to care for, school to accomplish and a house and yard to take care of, I can do it. Once our son is born I know that many of my limitations will be lifted one by one, week by week as my body heals and returns to its former state.

With all of the discomfort and frustration I am grateful for the opportunity to bring children into this world. For I learn so much about what life is truly about. I have learned more about what I am capable of. It was worth the wait. I am grateful for all that I go through. Lord give me the strength to make to the end of this pregnancy and to accomplish all that may come before me in the next few months.

The time is near

So as of Thursday my midwife told me that Hyrum could come anytime. He seems to agree for I have begun to have early signs of labor. I am dilated to a two and am just praying that he will come soon. We are all so excited to have him come. We are ready to hold our little boy and for our family to grow.

We are nervous about expanding our family but we know that when the Lord wants something done he will find a way to help you accomplish it. So far Mackenzie is excited. I am nervous about being away from her for even a couple of nights. However, I know that the Lord will comfort her when I can't and Eric is an amazing dad with her.

So please keep us in your prayers. I promise to post pictures of both Mackenzie and Hyrum soon. Have a wonderful Sunday!

The Joy of Sisterhood

Today, my visiting teachers came by and it was great to have them. I felt a little weird. Mostly because I had just woken up. However, I was so happy to see them. They had some encourage words for me and my family as we enter the final leg of this pregnancy. It was great to have that. It was exactly what I need to hear.

We also took Mackenzie on a tour of St. Mark's hospital. She did really well. It was great to revisit where she was born and to get new information about how things can run with Hyrum's birth this time. Mackenzie is really excited. She is saying baby brother and pointing to my stomach more and more. I don't know who wants him here more, me or her.

We also got her big sister gift in the mail to day. And wouldn't you know it I am dying to give it to her. I really want to see it too. But as Eric said we all need to be patient. I am not sure who is the really two year old, Mackenzie or me. All I know is Eric is right and good things come to those who wait. For us it will be a new little member of our family and to see Mackenzie enjoying being an older sister.

I just hope we don't have to wait too much longer.

My eternal companion

I feel the need to write a little more about Eric. You see I get the feeling that certain people underestimate him and also judge him because of the fact that right now he is not working a whole lot. It is not that he doesn't want to work, it is that he is trying to finish an internship and also find a more stable job.

Eric Jacobi Winslow is the sweetest, most patient man I have ever met. He is so willing to help me in anyway possible, which can be hard because I am fiercely independent. He loves to play with his daughter and is trying so hard to teach her in a way that is divine. He is willing to go to fabric stores, shoe shopping and a whole slew of other outings with me that most men, including my dad and brothers would not be caught dead doing. He is becoming an amazing cleaner and can actually cook more than just top roman and mac and cheese. Although the way he does those we could live pretty happily if we had to. I know in my heart that everything his does is for the benefit of his whole family.

This past Tuesday we had a Relief Society meeting in our ward. Well once I remember, pregnant blond here, I really wanted to go. There was one minor problem, because of all the doctor's appointments, school and such I have been gone a lot. Mackenzie did not want me to leave, which I understood. So even though Eric could handle it, he saw how it was torturing her and I and offered to come along. He spent two hours in the hall of the church walking around and trying to keep up with Mackenzie so I could try and enjoy my time with other women. This is the man I married. Someone who is so in tune with his family's needs that he is willing to do whatever it takes for all of us to be happy and healthy.

To the nay-sayer, I have to say you have no right to judge him. What you see on the surface is not all that you get. Eric is a very deep man who is the man of my dreams. He is the only person who has been able to fill a gaping hole in my heart. All my life I have felt alone and isolated at times. However, ever since I met him I have learned so much about what it means to be with someone and have someone love you for you. He never puts me down. In fact he is the only man who tells me I am beautiful and I believe it. Even when I am 35 weeks pregnant and feel like a torpedo about ready to launch. It may have taken us three years to get married but it was worth it. Our lives are anything but perfect. We have our differences, partly because we are both the oldest and very stubborn. However, we never let it fester. We try to work through it in such a way as to elevate the other towards the Lord. We never go to bed angry and we also try to forgive. I am so grateful for Eric and would not trade him for the world.

In the world's view there is still a lot he has to learn, but I know because he has the most important lessons down he will learn it. And in doing so become an even more amazing husband and father. He may not know a lot about yard work or home improvement but he is learning and loving it. Well I have poured my heart out enough for one evening. It feels good to finally but this thoughts and feelings to paper though. Especially as we begin the major countdown for the arrival of our new little bundle of joy. I am so excited for Eric to be able to hold a newborn baby again. May the Lord bless you and yours as he has us. And may you find comfort in his loving arms as I know I have through out my life.

34 weeks and counting

So today I had my doctor's appointment and have been cleared and told I am a perfect candidate for a VBAC. That made my day also I am now working on the birth plan, and wouldn't you know it a miracle has happened. Eric see the joy and need for organization and being prepared! Mackenzie is getting excited too. Especially with her friends becoming big brothers and sisters. Everything is baby, baby, baby at our house right now.  Now if we can just finish the last few things before our little boy makes his appearance. I know with the Lord this little family can do anything! Good friends are needed too. So thanks for all of your support.

In Rememberance

So today is the tenth anniversary of 9/11. We have all heard about on the news all week but I wanted to share a very special moment I had at Granger High on Friday. When I got to Mrs. Reese's classroom she informed me that we were going to be going over the events of 9/11 with her ESL students. Many of these students were not citizens of this country ten years ago and so if they know anything about what happened it is very sketchy. As she began to go over the events I was amazed as how calmly and yet lovely she explained the events of that day. Then as the students were watching a short video, she asked me if I would be willing to tell of my own story of that day ten years ago. As I thought about what I would say. When it was my turn I felt the spirit as I told of when I was doing as a sophomore in college and what I felt. I know that while the events of 9/11 were tragic and we have all been changed forever, I know that there is good that has come out of it as well. For one, I know that it has help me and my family to enjoy our time with each other more. Also I know that it has made me appreciate all the little things in my life more including my husband, my daughter and my unborn son. Tragedy is hard but it can also be a strengthening agent for your faith. I know that 9/11 like when my grandfather passed a way in 95 has deepened my faith in my Heavenly Father and the eternal nature of families. I know that this church is true. I know that Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is a grove of trees in Palmyra, New York. Also I know that President Monson is our true prophet on the earth today. I know that while the people within this church are not perfect, the doctrine is. For, it is centered in Jesus Christ. May we all remember that there is a higher power in this world that will help and guide us through troubled times, if we allow him to.

Family Bond

This week Eric has been home. It has been both nice and challenging. Nice because he is a big help but challenging because I am having to learn to let go and allow him to help me. The really nice thing about it is that we have been able to get back into the habit of doing family scripture study. While Mackenzie really just listens to us read aloud it is fun to read with Eric and to have Mackenzie in the room. The other big news is that Mackenzie is finally starting to sleep in her big girl bed. One of us (mainly Eric for now) still needs to lay down with her at first but once she is asleep she stays asleep all night. Of course she is ready to play at 7 or 8 in the morning and Eric would prefer to sleep in but he is starting to see that the earlier you get up the more you accomplish in a day. I hope this next week is just as great as things week, challenges and all. For the good and the bed together are what make life worth, especially when you remember to laugh and not take yourself too seriously.

Hope in a time of turmoil.

So, I am on the mend with the stomach bug. Thanks to the wonderful care of my husband and my little girl along with the support of my parents. The only down side is the day after I got sick I received a call from my midwife and was told that while my glucose was great I am seriously anemic. They are giving me a prescription for iron but is still really frustrating. Especially when this time around I have tried so hard to increase my iron intake. I know that if this is the only complication that I have I will be eternally grateful. It was just one more thing after almost having to go to the Labor and Delivery room due to my stomach bug.

The only hard part is sometimes I feel really alone. I know that my parents, my husband and my daughter are here for me but sometimes I feel the lack of a connection with women my age. Growing up with no sisters this feeling ebbs and flows. I love learning from others and being in association of other women. However, I do feel like an outsider most of the time. I have not always done things the way society would have me do them. I took my time getting married, mostly because I did not want to settle. I knew what I was looking for and I knew it was out there. This is important to know because I had many a proposal. Of course a lot of them I don't count because it was with a couple of months or even days of starting to date. I also am pursuing more education right now with my children being extremely young. I would prefer to stay home but I know that by doing this I am teaching them about the importance of helping and also of education. It is nice to realize that after three years of hard work and sacrifice I will have degree and a teaching license for my family to fall back on if the need should ever arise. Finally I think the hardest part is when I am having difficulties or challenges I just don't say much.

I know I should tell someone when I am ill or struggling or scared but after being alone for so long, the only person I really turn to is my father in heaven. For example Thursday evening I was having some pretty strong contractions and was feeling completely miserable. As I laid in bed crying because I could hold Mackenzie for fear of getting her sick, I began to pray. I knew that whatever the Lord saw fit to happen would happen. I knew that if Hyrum was meant to come early it would happen and if he is meant to come at term the Lord would help me get through the challenges ahead. I know that he is the only person who truly understands everything that goes on in my heart. I am grateful that he has given me a wonderful husband who is so much like him and can see the true intentions and loves of my heart. I know that there is at least one person on this earth who truly knows me. I am so fortunate that I can be with him for all eternity. For being married to your best friend means that you are never truly alone and never truly can feel misunderstood. The Lord truly knew what he was doing when he commanded us to be married.

A Walk of Faith

So this week have had a lot of success and also a lot of challenges. Tuesday Eric had a stomach bug that he thought was just something he ate. Turned out it is a really stomach bug and now I have it. All day I have been nauseated, having abominal pain and a really tick little boy (inside me). After three calls to the on-call phone for our midwife we finally got a hold of someone. Luckily my temperature is only at 99.5. However, after talking to the nurse I was ready to cry because all the worse possible thoughts went through my mind. Then I had to remember to have faith.

That was when I asked Eric and my dad to give me a priesthood blessing. It was just what I needed. I am not temporally healed but I do feel much better spiritually and emotionally. I know that I have the most amazing spouse who helps me in just about every way. I also have the sweetest little girl who wants to be my nurse. I know that whatever happens is the Lord's will and he will give me the strength to accomplish all the needs to be done.

I am so grateful for the priesthood in my life.

Family Drama or Just Crazy Relatives

So after years of working to get my mom's parents' estate my mom and uncle are not done yet. Their crazy and spoiled younger sister has decided to contest the will. The problem with this is that from where we all stand she does not have a leg to stand on.

First her lawyer has been convicted on drug charges. Second she has stolen countless dollars worth of things from the house and actual money from my grandparents when they were alive. Finally she is expecting all the money to go to her even though the will states it was to be divided three ways equally.

Even though this is frustrated I know my mom is right that this is going to be interested. We will keep you posted as this crazy and ridiculous family drama unfolds. I can tell you this I hope that we don't have to go through this will stuff again for a long time!

First Day Back

So, my first day back in class went pretty well. My professor is really nice, the class seems really interesting. It is all about language awareness and how as teachers we play different roles. My classmates seems to be pretty decent and kind. The only hitch is the walking to and from the parking lot in the heat. I need to remind myself not to take the hardest way possible. By the time I got to the car last night I was out of breath and the muscles in my legs ached. Luckily I have an amazing husband who give great massages. I am grateful that my professor is willing to work with me as my due date comes nearer.

The only minor problem is I need to help Eric figure out how to keep Mackenzie busy. Otherwise he will have another night have Mackenzie exploring the whole house looking for mommy. Of course I should remind him not to watch shows such as "Mars Needs Moms" while I am gone. But other than that all is looking good in the education department.

Dear Friends

Yesterday, we made the trek up to Evanston to see one of my dearest friends. While the actually trip was hard thanks to Udot and their need to do construction everywhere, the visit was wonderful. Mackenzie got to play with Abby and Joe and thanks to them she was thoroughly worn out. Of course on the way home she was determined to stay awake and have mommy hold her when we got home. However, she was so tired. She finally crashed on route 201. Of course this was after an hour and a half of string at daddy and refusing to let sleep over take her. It was hard not to laugh at her stubbornness. It also broke my heart a little to see how tired she was but how she refused to sleep. Oh, well she comes by her stubbornness honestly.
The visit was great partly because I got to go shopping with Mindy and we got to watch Mackenzie play with their older two kids. The other part was watching Eric interact with their little boy Jake. Jake is not quite a year old. I can tell that Eric is getting more and more excited to have a little boy. I know he adores his little girl but I think he is getting excited for the new challenge and joys of having a boy. I know I am too but it is fun to see the sparkle that comes into Eric's eyes when he thinks about our kids. He is such a great man and wants to be a great father. Little does he know he is on his way there. He was having fun pushing Mackenzie in a swing, reading to all the kids and helping me convince Mackenzie that it was time to eat. I am so grateful that I chose to marry him. For while he has his faults (I do too) his desire and efforts to overcome his past more than make up for everything else. His heart is pure and his desires divine. I just hope I can find more ways to help him see the good within him.

Going back to school

So, I realized yesterday in a complete panic that school starts again on Monday! While I am excited to go back and get started on my Masters I am also worried. I love school but it has been fun to be a stay at home mom with Mackenzie all day. I do get battle weary but I am grateful that for the most part she will listen to me. Luckily I only have two classes. One Monday night and one Thursday night. The only other problem with going back to school is the flack I am getting about doing it.


I did not enter into this decision lightly. I knew I needed a little more education to be able to one day help my husband care for our family. Unlike my mom who has the education but not the health to help I can help. I grew up watching my dad work his tail off and my mom cry because she could not help out as much as she would have liked. So this is why I have decided to go back to school pregnant and with a sweet little one. I know that in the long run it will be beneficial for my family. I will be able to help Eric and also to teach my children that education is vitial and that no matter what your circumstances you can achieve anything.

I know that education is a huge part of our Heavenly father's plan for all of us. Knowledge is the only thing we can take with us after this life. While we must sift through all the knowledge out there and make decisions about what is truth and what is fiction I love the process of learning. If we enter into education both formal and informal with the right attitude and an open heart we can find answers that will astound and amaze us. I know I have. I must hold on to this belief and remind myself of it often as I work on my school work, prepare for our precious little boy and enjoy our sweet little girl. This is what the Lord wants me to do at this time in my life and I can and will accomplish it only with his unfailing support. This support can be seen in the encouragement and love of my sweet husband and my kind mother who are willing and ready to help.

Funny thing happen while getting ready for bed

Last night we were working on getting Mackenzie in bed, when she decided to explore. She found the can of air fresher that we have to keep handy due to my extreme sense of smell. Well she picked it up and said "Daddy's" with the best grin ever on her face. Needless o say Eric was not very amused. He took it is stride. I reminded him that she had been finding all of his stuff all day even his his clothes that I was in the process of folding. I love the fact that Mackenzie loves her daddy so much that she talks about him almost the whole time he is gone at work.

This morning she continued with her daddy fest. She instructed daddy to sit down with his head on her bed, which Eric being the good sport he is, did. Next thing he knew she was sitting on his back. Then she slid down it. Then he moved just a little to get more comfortable and he became the horsey of her dreams. Gotta love daddy time.

Things coming together

So our lives are starting to become better organized, both in terms of the tangible and the intangible. Tangible wise, Mackenzie's room is pretty much done and we are now working on our room. The laundry is getting caught up to where I am finding close I had been wondering what happened to. Dish are caught up! We still do a load a day but it is only dishes from that day or that we find as we are cleaning. Intangible organization includes doing better at family prayer both morning and night along with starting to do scripture study in the morning. We still miss some days but it feels so much better to be working together and praying together more often. I have already seen a change. All of us seem more patient with each other and there seems to be more love in the house. I can't believe that in just about three months there will be four of us. I look forward to getting to know my little man just as I have my little girl. I am even more excited to see Mackenzie and Hyrum interact. Mackenzie is showing more and more signs of becoming a daddy's girl. She love to read with daddy, play tennis with him, snuggle with him before bed and then she has to know where he is when he is not with her. I am still important too but it is great to see that special relationship blossom. I pray that Eric and I can have a special relationship with each of our children and that each one of them will know how loved and treasured they are. I am learning so much as a mother and a wife. I am so grateful for this time in my life. May the Lord continue to guide me in my endeavors to help take care of my family.

Heartaches and love

So today is pioneer day and as such I feel it is a time of reflections and family. However, family is something that I both love and dread. I love my brothers dearly but I also want to shake them. They have no respect for me, my family or the choices that we have made. I know that we each of free agency to choose. I just wish that the respect and "acceptance" that they expect from me would be given to me and my family. I think what makes me the most angry is that they don't seem to see that the most important thing in this life is not instant pleasure or the next big thing but it is family. My children are amazing, even if I do say so myself. They know the truth and I hope and pray that one day my brothers hearts will be softened and their eyes opened. They have some much to give in this life. I just wish they would see that there is more to life than drinking, criticizing and belittle others beliefs and choices. However, I am grateful for the amazing Son of God who I have married. He is so patient and loving with my brothers and bears all things with them meekly. I have to thank the Lord for this amazing blessing in my life. I hope and pray that our son will be like his father.

Hyrum's time table

So Tuesday I went for a visit to the ob clinic. I knew there was a possibility that my due date would be moved up, but to October 30th. Two weeks ahead of our schedule. So I am now coming to the reality that some of my goals are not practical. So here is my new baby to do list:   
 1. Paint Hyrum's room and get it set up
  2. Finish getting laundry caught up
  3. Get the house organized (a place for everything and everything in its place)
  4. Learn how to make a carseat and nursing cover for Hyrum
  5. Get Mackenzie ready to be a big sister
  6. Clean out my car!
  7. Finally help Eric clean out his car ew!
On a more positive note Mackenzie is almost completely moved into her big girl room. She loves her big girl's bed. More later, getting too much help.

What a difference a day makes

Today has been one of the most successful Sundays in a while. Eric was up and ready for his priesthood meeting. We got to church in a timely fashion. Mackenzie did struggle with Sacrament meeting but she stayed both hours in nursery. All she needed was a momentary diaper change. Our sunbeam class is the best ever! We talked about loving our whole family today and both our little sunbeams had things to say. They also did very well in sharing time. They sang! Of course there was a little fight over who got to site next to Bro. Winslow but with some compromise on my part and shifting of chairs they both were able to sit next to him. I think we are finally getting the hang of this family thing. We still have our ups and downs but I am grateful for all the ups that come along with the downs. Our little girl loves Jesus and church and we do too. I hope it can continue with Hyrum as he becomes apart of this crazy but loving family.

Progress Made

Well I am starting to make some major head way with getting ready for our second child. I am finally winning the cleaning fight and the laundry is starting to look more manageable. We are planning on painting Mackenzie's big girl room this next week and we have ordered her new bed, which will be delivered next Saturday with our new queen size bed. Eric seems to think that with a bigger bed he will be able to have more room to sleep with Mackenzie and soon Hyrum in bed with us. I have doubts. For he is so kind hearted I know he will give up all that room for them and end on the edge of the bed again. The biggest thing is our upstairs bathroom is clean and organized. I did almost cry when I finally went through all of Mackenzie's burp cloths and bibs. I know it is silly, she hasn't used them in months but it finally hit me that the girly pink will have to put away for now.

I am so grateful for the energy I have had to accomplish what I have so far. I hope and pray I can continue to finish all I need to to prepare this family for the addition of one more member.

Hyrum Eric Winslow: Our little pleasant surprise!

So Thursday we had our ultrasound. We were pleasantly surprised to find that we are having a little boy. Mackenzie loves her future little brother and is very protective of him already. I am truly grateful for this little miracle the Lord has blessed our family with.

Thursday will not come fast enough

Ok, so you know how when you were in school you prayed really hard for the week to go by fast and Friday would come that much quicker. Usually that meant the week would go really slow and it felt like the week-end would never come. Well I am stuck in the vortex now. I am not wishing for Friday but for Thursday. It is the day we find out if we are having a girl or a boy. Of course Eric in his infinite wisdom decided to schedule our appointment for 2:30 in the afternoon! Who does that to a pregnant woman who is dying to know if she is going to have another little girl or start on the boy train. I am excited for either one but feel like the appointment will never happen and I will be pregnant with Maclenzie's mystery baby for the rest of my life.

About that, yesterday we took Mackenzie with us to the doctor again. This time just because Eric could not bare having her cry the whole time while I was gone. She did really well as they took my weight (eww) and blood pressure. She was even ok as I laid down for my midwife to begin checking for the heartrate. However as soon as she was touching my tummy she starting pouting and crying. She was not satisfied until I was holding her again and she had a protective hand over my ever growing belly. While I felt bad that she was crying it was hard not smile at how protective of her mom she is. I told Eric later it is kind of nice to have someone love me so much that she screams and cries when people touch me. Eric was not amused. Mostly because constant glares have been coming from Mackenzie towards him lately especially if he kisses me. He then reminded me that it wasn't just me she was protective of but the baby too. I am getting excited for November. Even though I will be huge and tired it will be great to bring this new little life into the world and watch as Mackenzie begins her new role as big sister. I know she is going to be an amazing big sister.

Answer to prayer

After I posted yesterday I have spent most of this Sunday praying and trying to overcome the feelings of saddens and frustration. Thanks to my loving husband and many friends I can say I am on the mend. I know that the Lord does not give us anything we can't handle even though sometimes things can seem overwhelming. It hit me hardest today in Sunbeams when my husband reminded me and taught our little angels that sometimes difficult things or tasks enter our lives but we are not alone. We have a loving heavenly father and Savior Jesus Christ who are there to help us. Sadly I have forgotten that fact. I am so grateful for Eric and his wonderful spirit and the sweet, loving spirits of our Sunbeams. As I struggled with Mackenzie today to help her understand reverence and to get her to settle down I truly felt the encouragement and love of my heavenly father. I knew that whole the struggle is hard it would be worth it in the end. As have been praying how to deal with some challenges with my calls I have found faith and strength to go forward in my Savior. All of my life the two people I have always been able to count on are my heavenly father and my Savior. They helped me and Eric as our relationship grew and changed. They comforted me as I entered the operating room to have an emergency c-section with Mackenzie and they comfort me every time I have a hard time with life. However, just like everyone else sometimes I forget they are there and do not look towards them. I hope and pray that I can do better for I know that it is with them that all things are possible, even a quiet toddler in sacrament meeting.

From the outside looking in

For the past few weeks I have felt like an outsider in our neighborhood. Eric has been working a lot as a lifeguard and Mackenzie and I have been working hard on the house. We are just about ready to paint her big girl room and the baby's nursery. The only problem is I feel really alone. There are so many thoughts that go through my head in a day. I use to be able to talk to Eric about it all but now by the time he gets home I forget. Also I am struggling as I gain weight in my belly. I don't want to buy new maternity clothes for summer. You see, last time just wore pioneer clothes all during the summer but this time around I need summer clothes. I just don't want to spend the money. I also have never liked clothes shopping. I know I am a really, really weird girl. I am picky like my dad and practical like my mom. I do get a good work out at little gym with Mackenzie and during the week with doing laundry (we are starting to win that battle) and cleaning and organizing the house. Also Mackenzie loves to give mommy lovies so I am her jungle gym out home. But to be honest the only place I can tell all of this to is here. I miss some very dear friends who I use to be able to confide everything in. I just don't feel like I fit in. I love to cook, clean and I am crafting in my own way. I just don't feel like what things I can do are appreciated or needed in the neighborhood. There are so many other amazing women to do so much more. Oh, well if I am an outsider so be it. I will just keep doing what I do everyday and be grateful for the time that I have with my little growing family. They are truly what matter in this life along with the gospel that makes it to where these sweet relationships don't have to end at death.

Close to Home

Sunday evening a violent tornado ripped through the southern part of Joplin, Missouri. For me and my family this disaster has hit very close to home. Many of my mothers extended family live and work in Joplin. Also most of my dad's family lives in the surrounding areas. So we have discovered that everyone is safe. My uncle, who lives about a mile away from St. John's Regional Hospital was spared both him and his home. My father's family is dealing with debris. Unfortunately some family members lost their homes and livelihoods. They are alive and as my mom put it is it really all that matters. While I miss the Midwest I do not miss the horror of tornadoes. They are truly the most violent thing nature can produce. From the moment a funnel cloud forms in the sky to the time that a tornado as touched down and done damage all one can do is pray. You learn to respect and read mother nature in a way that never leaves you. Do this day when the sky gets angry here is Utah I still pray that nothing horrific will come from the impending storm. I am thankful for the miracles we had felt in this disaster and hope and pray that others too may feel of the love and compassion of the Lord as they being to rebuild their lives.

Motherhood is...

All of my life I have wanted to be a wife and mother. Yes, I went to college and received a degree but my greatest desire has always been to be married and raise a family. I am  not the conventional mother. I don't adhere to social norms or standards. I follow my heart and am constantly praying. I have the simliar struggles as others. Children not listening, making messes, etc. But I revel in these moments. You see I was older when I had the blessing of getting married almost three years ago. I waited and did everything I could to support my friends who were married and had children. Even so I yearned for it for my own life. When it finally came I made a covenant with the Lord that I would do everything in my power to raise my children as he would have me do. I am anything but perfect. I have a temper that I am learning to control. However, I am trying so hard. Everything I do during a day has my husband and my children in mind. I hope and pray that I can continue to be worthy to listen to the spirit and live my life in such a way as to teach my children eternal truths through word and deed.

Funny Thing Happened At the Doctor's Office

So I just have to say I have a very sweet little girl.

Yesterday we went to the doctor to make sure she didn't have an ear infection or anything else. While there Eric in his infinite wisdom decided why not have her 18 month check up and shot. The doctor was all for it. Well Mackenzie was not. She clung to me like the stethoscope was a torture device and when the nurse gave her the one shot she needed she glared at her daddy. If looks could kill. Well after a new toy and many hug and kisses and a sucker from the ob clinic secretary she was fine. Until today...

Now you have to understand our family doctor's office is on the same floor and in the same office as my Ob. So we had warned Mackenzie that we were going back to the doctor's but to see mommy's doctor not hers. She seemed OK with it until the nurse began taking my blood pressure and then all bets were off! What was she doing to her mommy! Well after that little drama they turned on a video for her and we waited to see our midwife. Then it was time for mommy to lay on the table so we could hear the baby's heart beat. Well Mackenzie was not going to have. She had to sit (stand) on her daddy's lap and make sure that the doctor did not hurt mommy. She did seem fascinated by the baby's heartbeat and the fact that the baby was kicking the heart monitor (siblings). However, she did not smile again until mommy was safely out of reach of the doctor.

I have to smile at how protective Mackenzie is. She has finally figure out that her little brother or sister is in mommy's tummy. I think this might be part of her need to protect mommy. She won't even let Eric put his arm on my tummy. Only Mackenzie can lay on the tummy and kiss it. She is going to be the best big sister ever! I am so grateful for her.

Life

So in the past few months things have changed a lot. Eric now officially done with course work, Mackenzie is running everywhere, I am officially in the Master of Education program at the U, oh and we are pregnant again. The last one came a pleasant surprise. We had just started trying but I know it is when the Lord wants it to happen. I am excited for Mackenzie to have a sibling and for Eric and I to add to our family. I don't know how I will get everything done that the Lord wants me to do, but that is where faith steps in.

This past week Eric turned 30 and it made me stop and think about life. He doesn't look thirty and he doesn't act thirty. I know now that my Great Grandpa Baker was right. It is just a number. It matters how you feel and that is all about perspective. For example Mackenzie has had a cold that last couple of days and of course she gave it to mommy. It is not a big deal since that is how family works. I could just walo in self pity but instead I am trying to get well. I also have the best nurses ever. Eric is wonderful in helping me rest and making sure I eat. Mackenzie is just as sweet as ever. She always comes in to check on mommy and make sure I am ok. She has even given me kisses.

One final thing Eric is almost an official life guard for the summer. Just one more week of class. He passed the pre-test and has been loving the things he is learning about helping others. This is his finally internship before he is completely done with his degree. What is really nice is that he will be working at the Magna Pool. He is going to be very close to home. Also it is an excuse to take Mackenzie to her favorite place in the world the pool. Our girl could live in water if we would let her.

I hope everyone has a great week-end and is loving the warmer weather we are getting in Utah. Also those of you around the rest of the country please stay safe!

Fun with Friends

So Monday of this week we had the opportunity to go up to see our dear friends the Allreds. While there Mackenzie and Joseph got to know each other. Also Mackenzie had a blast playing with Abby. I am so grateful for friends who have kids close to Mackenzie's age. She loves people. Yes, she is a social butterfly like her mom. As you can see from the picture her hair hos gotten long enough for me to do fun styles with it. Well that is all for now. Have a wonderful week-end!

Officially a Toddler

So yesterday evening when I got home from class Eric stated, "Well, she is officially a toddler." As I pondered that thought and then watch my little girl throughout the rest of the day I knew he was right. No more baby here. She is starting to walk, taking a few more steps every time. She can go up and down the stairs without any help. Although I still get nervous every time. Loves to help mommy in the kitchen and eat. Finally she just loves to play. She is also talking more and more every day. The best part though as to be the kisses. She loves to give little kiss to her mommy and daddy. (I think daddy gets more than I do but that's OK). So in closing I guess I will just say good0bye baby Mackenzie and hello toddler Mackenzie, I hope I can keep up with you!

Monday is here.

So I am sitting at the University of Utah waiting for my last class to start and I began to think about all the things I am grateful for.
First my family. It has been a crazy past week and week-end. Since I was sick Eric had to take the lead, mostly because I was out of it. Then Mackenzie got sick Saturday and it was fun to watch how loving and gentle he is with her. He is gentle with me too, but I am the worst patient to have because like my dad I do not have time to be sick. Mackenzie is still young enough that all she wants to be held and cuddled. Sunday due to her fever and my cough we stayed home from church. While we missed being with our fellow saints and ward family it was nice to be together. We laid in bed most of the day watching church videos and reading. Mackenzie laid in between Eric and I and would take turns cuddling with each of us. While many people would say why is this a moment to be grateful for and to them I would say because we are together. There were no expectation of anything other that pure love for another.
Second I am grateful for the gospel. Yesterday while watching Mackenzie's videos and reading her books it hit me. The gospel is truly simple and sweet. It is all about Jesus Christ. I am grateful for this simple truth and that my daughter loves Jesus so much that not matter where we are or what we are doing to always finds a picture of Jesus or some other way to remind Eric and I that Christ is the center of life. He is who we are striving to be like and everything we do in the life needs to help us progress towards this goal. With this I am also grateful for the Atonement and the repentance process. I am anything but perfect and this amazing gift everyday. It is because of this gift not only am I able to be forgiven but to also forgive myself of wrongs I have done. Mackenzie is right if our focus is on Jesus our lives will be richer and fuller.
Finally, I am grateful for the things that I am able to do with me family. This is where our sweetest memories are made. For example, we went down to Orem on Saturday for the LDS Film Festival. We love the Liken the Scriptures shows and they were screening Jonah and the Big Fish. So we went and had a great time. This was Mackenzie's first movie so we did have to take turns going out with her due to the fact that she is not use to watching movies in the dark. That was OK, for it was fun to watch her crawl around and try to walk on her own (getting closer everyday). Well that was until she ran over David Osmond. I was mortified. She didn't seem to even noticed that she had crawled right over his feet and just kept going. Luckily he was very kind and just laughed. Also he told me it didn't hurt, which I can believe because Mackenzie is a skinny girl. This is one memory that Eric and I will retell to Mackenzie for years to come and it will always bring a smile to my face when I think about it.

When mom is sick!

So Sunday evening I began to feel a little sick and by Monday I had a pretty bad head cold. Well it is was only a head cold, right, wrong. As of yesterday I have strep throat. This is so frustrating on so many levels. First, I am contagious so I am isolated from the world. I would feel awful if anyone caught strep from me. It is not a fun sickness. Secondly, I can't kiss my husband. Now I know, so what. Well I din't realize how hard not kissing Eric would be until the doctor told us not to kiss for at least 48 hours. Now we could ignore the caution and go ahead and kiss but then there is a chance that the man that I love with all my heart will catch strep from me. If that happened it would break my heart. So instead we are trying to be strong. But my husband is torturing me! I feel like a cat with a toy that I really want just out of reach. Oh, well all good things come to those that wait. Finally the worst part about being sick is that the house falls into chaos. Eric tries to keep it running and my parents have helped too but things are just not the same when I am out of commission. Oh, well thank goodness for good doctors, advice medicine and the healing powers of rest. I am on the mend and so is the household.

School is in session

While this statement is true, I have been back at school for three weeks now, I have come to the realization that I am in an even greater school. The last few weeks I have been struggling trying to figure out where I stand with things. You see marriage and family life have happened so fast, it great! But I am still adjusting. I have been learning about trust, patience and humility. All of this from two of the most important people the Lord has placed in my life, my husband and little girl. Eric is such a sweet guy and really is trying to help me but has a difficult time of it because while I explain or think things out in my head they don't always come out of my mouth. He is very talented but I don't think he knows how to read my mind yet and probably wouldn't want to. Especially since it races about 20 million miles a minute. He is teaching me that while it is great to get things accomplished in a timely fashion it is also great to stop and enjoy the task at hand. Life seems so much more rewarding when I look at it through his perspective. I just hope I can do that more often.
Then there is little Mackenzie. She is such a joy even when she is a trial. Her smile is so infectious and her love for life. I have learned that even the simplest thing in life is a joy. Again thanks to Eric teaching me to enjoy the journey, I am finding myself enjoying the late, restless nights and the struggles with listening. I am reviling is all the good. She is talking more and more. A lot of it is baby babble but there are moments of English and yes German words too. Tonight for example I was reading her favorite book to her Llama Llama Red Pajama, (this is a nightly thing) and all of a sudden I asked her to point out the mama llama and she points to the word. I thought it was a fluke so I continued reading and asked her to do it again and she did it. I know it sounds crazy but every time she says a new word, or advices in someway I say a silent prayer of Thanksgiving. I never imaged in a million years that my daughter would be so amazing. Now I know, I am her mom so I think she is the most amazing baby on the earth, and you would be right. She is an amazing gift from my father in heaven and I hope that I never forget that. I know we will have our struggles but I hope to always hold on to the good and let go of the bad.
One final thought, every child deserves to feel loved and treasured. We have the opportunity to team teach the sunbeams (really Eric is the amazing teacher, I am just the music person). Those little ones are so sweet and want so much to be loved and to show how amazing they are to all who will listen. They are in charge of opening exercises for sharing time this coming Sunday and they are all so excited. The Lord truly has some of the most valiant and amazing spirits on the earth today. I just hope I do not disappoint them.

Time for Change

So today at church was both wonderful and difficult. It was great to see the changes that were made but also hard. You see my dad was released from the bishopric today. He is need elsewhere in the stake but it is still hard. Mostly because he has worked so hard to come out of his shell and he really loves all the members of our ward so much. I am grateful for the service that he rendered the the example that he has been for me. He has never turned down a calling even when it was extremely difficult to fulfill due to his work schedule or lack of support at home. He has always put the Lord first. I know that it is in part because of this attitude that he has been able to accomplish what he has. I hope that I can always have that attitude. For right now I am exhausted. You see our ward is so small that I am doing triple duty. I team teach the sunbeams with my husband, work with the activity day girls as their leader and also do the ward history. While it is fun to be doing so much for the Lord it is also difficult. I feel like sometimes my family loses out. It is hard to give my all for the Sunbeams when Mackenzie is not yet in Nursery. It is also hard to remember all of the changes and activities the ward has done over the year. Thankfully there are wonderful people who help me to be able to accomplish all the Lord asks me to do. I am grateful for my callings and hope that I can continue to magnify them to best of my ability. For I know that while they are not big and not really spotlight callings what little I do does help the ward as a whole. I do have to say that while I love writing the ward history and working with eight to eleven year old girls, my greatest joy is the Sunbeams. They are so much fun and so sweet. I am grateful for all that they and my little daughter are teaching me about the gospel. For it truly is simple and complete. May we all come to feel the pure, simple and sweet love of our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ!

Happy New Year

So I am lying here in bed wishing I didn't feel nauseated every so often and thinking about my little family. I am so grateful for my loving husband who puts up with me even when I am moody. I also feel so blessed to have Mackenzie. She teaches me everyday what is truly important. I love it that whenever Eric comes home she gets all excited to see her Daddy. She also reminds me that the simplest joys in life are the sweetest. Like a homemade ride in a wicker basket in the hotel room is much more fun than all the amazing rides in the park. She made her dad pull her around the room in the laundry basket provided at least ten times in the morning while I was getting ready and then ten more times in the evening before bed. And spinning around in on office chair is the greatest thing in the world to do with your parents. I hope that I can continue to learn and grow from my amazing little family in this coming year. For their lessons are the ones with the most eternal relevance. Happy New Year everybody!