The light in the darkness

This past week I have learned a lot about preserving through the difficulties of life. Mackenzie is officially potty trained! It was a hard two weeks mostly because she would have accidents and feel horrible and want to give up. But none of us did. I am also almost finish with Spanish 2010 for the summer. It has been a gruelling six weeks. I have found that I understand more Spanish both verbally and written but I am still struggling with speaking. I know just as with potty training, if I don't give up and keep trying I will get it eventually. I have also reminded myself of this promise in two other areas of my life. Eric and I have been married for almost four years now. We still have our difficulties but this is all because we are trying to bring together two lives to make a new one. We are getting there. Just as with Spanish and Potty training, I know it will take hard work and some tears for us to achieve the marriage that we want but it will be so worth it in the eternities. Finally we are also working with Mackenzie on being reverent at church. This is difficult, especially when she is up late waiting for her daddy to come home. So today, we brought her home after sacrament. I felt bad about it because I knew that Eric loves staying to magnify his calling but I also knew he was tired from working the swing shift Saturday. I have come to the conclusion that this will be the mostly difficult situation to keep working through but it will also have sweet rewards at the end. Step one, get her to go to bed on time even when daddy is at work. Step two, get her to sit quietly in sacrament meeting. Step three praise her for being a big girl and sitting quietly. It is hard, partly because she wants to come with me when I need to feed Hyrum. However, I know that if Eric and I keep working together, she will come to understand the importance of reverence and she will be the angel we know she is. I don't care what others say about her, because I know that they don't know anything about her and they never will until they are will to get off their pedestal and see her for the child of god she is. I love her so much. She is such a sweetheart and doesn't like to see anyone in her family upset. Now I just need to harness this on Sundays. With the Lord's help we can and will accomplish this. I hope you all have a great week too.

Forgiveness is truly divine

So as a follow up to my last post, things are much better today. The comments and judgements that have been made still sting but less today then yesterday. My anger is also subsiding. I am so grateful for the amazing gift of forgiveness. While it still hurts when others say things or do things that hurt us, it is wonderful that the Lord has made it possible for us to forgive those who hurt us even before they ask for the forgiveness. I have found myself so much calmer and able to focus on all I need to do today. I have been able to get my Spanish homework done, gotten both kids dressed and fed and got Eric off to his second job without too much stress. I know that all of this has been accomplished with the Lord's help. For it through him and the atonement of our savior Jesus Christ has made it possible for us to be forgiven and to forgive others. I hope that this personal struggle may help one of you through a situation in your own lives that has caused hurt or pain. We all have something that we can share and learn from each other. I know that I have learned so much from reading all of your posts and also through the influence that you all have had in my life. I hope that in some small way I have helped you too. Have a wonderful Monday and week. I hope to be able to post again soon.

The good, the bad and the ugly

So that past couple of weeks have seen a lot of changes in the Winslow household. First, Mackenzie is almost potty trained. She is doing really well. Second we have had a change in ward boundaries and finally Eric's shifts change this week. With all these changes there have been some amazing things happen along with some not so good.

First the good. I have finally figured out why I am in school. Now I know my motivation but I am starting to understand the Lord has more for me to do than just course work. This past Thursday I had a major revelation. I am taking Spanish 2010 and 2020 during the summer semester. Well I have met this wonderful young lady in my class who I have connected with. She is so helpful with my speaking and pronunciation. Thursday we got out of class and early and had a wonderfully spiritual talk. Something she said really stuck with me. That was that the Lord wanted us to meet. With that in mind I have realized that there are people out there that value my understanding and view of the world. With that in mind it is on to the bad.

Along with feeling good about Mackenzie's potty training and my purpose in school I have been struggling with feeling of anger towards others in our ward. I will admit that Mackenzie is a ball full of energy that we are trying to harness, but what two and a half year-old isn't. In the past two weeks I have had a hand full of people make comments about Mackenzie not listening or not sitting in her chair. While I know this is true I feel if they are not her parents or her teachers they should keep their mouths shut. She is an amazingly loving little girl with so much to share in this world. But just as every other two year old out there it is our job as her parents to help her understand good from bad, right from wrong and wants versus needs. I don't need others who won't take the time to know her judging her or my parenting style, which is a work in progress. She is my first child for heaven sake! I do feel that many people are saying behind my back that this is all because I am not home all the time. Which leads to the ugly.

All of my life I have dealt with social aggression from other women who do not approve of my choices. But that is just it, they are my choices. These people are not in my heart, they do not know the struggles I go through. The constant prayers from my children for how to help them and myself and my husband to accomplish all the Lord has in store for us. This is why I am not thrilled about the ward changes. It is great to have more people in the ward but I feel more isolated that ever. I have not had visiting teachers in months, nor any visitors really unless I am outside. I struggle like everyone else but I also have a good heart and want to do what is right. Right now I feel like a failure as a mother, a wife and a divine woman in general. I fear that my children will not know or understand the love of my heavenly father, so I pray everyday and night that I will be able to teach and show them. Maybe I have it all wrong but I know in my heart I don't. I have had to wait so long and ached to have a family that every single decision I make from school, to housework, to discipline is for them. If I want advise I will ask for and to be honest I am going to ask someone who is willing to help not scold or belittle. With that said I know I can get past these feels with the Lord's help and continue to do his work both in our home and in our ward as he sees fit.