Hyrum Eric Winslow: Our little pleasant surprise!

So Thursday we had our ultrasound. We were pleasantly surprised to find that we are having a little boy. Mackenzie loves her future little brother and is very protective of him already. I am truly grateful for this little miracle the Lord has blessed our family with.

Thursday will not come fast enough

Ok, so you know how when you were in school you prayed really hard for the week to go by fast and Friday would come that much quicker. Usually that meant the week would go really slow and it felt like the week-end would never come. Well I am stuck in the vortex now. I am not wishing for Friday but for Thursday. It is the day we find out if we are having a girl or a boy. Of course Eric in his infinite wisdom decided to schedule our appointment for 2:30 in the afternoon! Who does that to a pregnant woman who is dying to know if she is going to have another little girl or start on the boy train. I am excited for either one but feel like the appointment will never happen and I will be pregnant with Maclenzie's mystery baby for the rest of my life.

About that, yesterday we took Mackenzie with us to the doctor again. This time just because Eric could not bare having her cry the whole time while I was gone. She did really well as they took my weight (eww) and blood pressure. She was even ok as I laid down for my midwife to begin checking for the heartrate. However as soon as she was touching my tummy she starting pouting and crying. She was not satisfied until I was holding her again and she had a protective hand over my ever growing belly. While I felt bad that she was crying it was hard not smile at how protective of her mom she is. I told Eric later it is kind of nice to have someone love me so much that she screams and cries when people touch me. Eric was not amused. Mostly because constant glares have been coming from Mackenzie towards him lately especially if he kisses me. He then reminded me that it wasn't just me she was protective of but the baby too. I am getting excited for November. Even though I will be huge and tired it will be great to bring this new little life into the world and watch as Mackenzie begins her new role as big sister. I know she is going to be an amazing big sister.

Answer to prayer

After I posted yesterday I have spent most of this Sunday praying and trying to overcome the feelings of saddens and frustration. Thanks to my loving husband and many friends I can say I am on the mend. I know that the Lord does not give us anything we can't handle even though sometimes things can seem overwhelming. It hit me hardest today in Sunbeams when my husband reminded me and taught our little angels that sometimes difficult things or tasks enter our lives but we are not alone. We have a loving heavenly father and Savior Jesus Christ who are there to help us. Sadly I have forgotten that fact. I am so grateful for Eric and his wonderful spirit and the sweet, loving spirits of our Sunbeams. As I struggled with Mackenzie today to help her understand reverence and to get her to settle down I truly felt the encouragement and love of my heavenly father. I knew that whole the struggle is hard it would be worth it in the end. As have been praying how to deal with some challenges with my calls I have found faith and strength to go forward in my Savior. All of my life the two people I have always been able to count on are my heavenly father and my Savior. They helped me and Eric as our relationship grew and changed. They comforted me as I entered the operating room to have an emergency c-section with Mackenzie and they comfort me every time I have a hard time with life. However, just like everyone else sometimes I forget they are there and do not look towards them. I hope and pray that I can do better for I know that it is with them that all things are possible, even a quiet toddler in sacrament meeting.

From the outside looking in

For the past few weeks I have felt like an outsider in our neighborhood. Eric has been working a lot as a lifeguard and Mackenzie and I have been working hard on the house. We are just about ready to paint her big girl room and the baby's nursery. The only problem is I feel really alone. There are so many thoughts that go through my head in a day. I use to be able to talk to Eric about it all but now by the time he gets home I forget. Also I am struggling as I gain weight in my belly. I don't want to buy new maternity clothes for summer. You see, last time just wore pioneer clothes all during the summer but this time around I need summer clothes. I just don't want to spend the money. I also have never liked clothes shopping. I know I am a really, really weird girl. I am picky like my dad and practical like my mom. I do get a good work out at little gym with Mackenzie and during the week with doing laundry (we are starting to win that battle) and cleaning and organizing the house. Also Mackenzie loves to give mommy lovies so I am her jungle gym out home. But to be honest the only place I can tell all of this to is here. I miss some very dear friends who I use to be able to confide everything in. I just don't feel like I fit in. I love to cook, clean and I am crafting in my own way. I just don't feel like what things I can do are appreciated or needed in the neighborhood. There are so many other amazing women to do so much more. Oh, well if I am an outsider so be it. I will just keep doing what I do everyday and be grateful for the time that I have with my little growing family. They are truly what matter in this life along with the gospel that makes it to where these sweet relationships don't have to end at death.