The Lord's Timing

So as of today we are at 38 weeks. I am so ready to hold my little boy. Even more I am ready to be able to run, play and clean my house the way I like to. I have had to learn a lot of patience in the last few weeks as my mobility has become more and more limited. This would be fine if it were not for the outside worries that I have.

The first big thing is that if Hyrum waits until the 30th to come we will not have our most trust babysitter, my mom. She is the only one that I feel completely comfortable leaving Mackenzie with. While I know that others to a great job, she is my mother and Mackenzie knows it. My greatest desire besides bringing a healthy baby boy into the world is that my daughter will feel safe and loved as we add this new member to our family. I know that I need this because otherwise I will worry the whole time about her. Also I need my father to be with Eric. My father is a strong, meek man who as always been a strength for me. He has become such for my husband as well.

It is hard to have firm faith that the Lord knows the desires of my hearts and my needs. Especially when other family members poke holes or try to in your confidence. I am tired of feeling alone in my worries. I am tired of feeling as though the support I have is only superficial. I know that we are in countdown mode. I know in my heart that I will not be pregnant for ever. However, I am exhausted. I need the help with the last mile or so of this journey. I am a very positive person but even the most positive get down at times.

I struggle is with the fact that there is so much I want to get done for my family and friends. I worry about my visiting teaching sisters. I worry about my neighbors. I continually pray for them. However, by the time I have gone to class, done what housework I can, played with Mackenzie, read with her and helped Eric where he needs me. I am exhausted. I am able to fight through the exhaustion to read my scriptures but then I fall asleep. And every time I do that I cry when I wake up. This is because at least half of my to do list for the day did not get accomplished.

Eric got a new job this week. We are sure exactly when he starts but it will be long hours. I know I will have support from my amazing family but I am worried. He has been such a blessing to have at home over the last few months, even when he drives me nuts! It will be hard to have him gone more. However, I know that even though I will have two children to care for, school to accomplish and a house and yard to take care of, I can do it. Once our son is born I know that many of my limitations will be lifted one by one, week by week as my body heals and returns to its former state.

With all of the discomfort and frustration I am grateful for the opportunity to bring children into this world. For I learn so much about what life is truly about. I have learned more about what I am capable of. It was worth the wait. I am grateful for all that I go through. Lord give me the strength to make to the end of this pregnancy and to accomplish all that may come before me in the next few months.