Hope in a time of turmoil.

So, I am on the mend with the stomach bug. Thanks to the wonderful care of my husband and my little girl along with the support of my parents. The only down side is the day after I got sick I received a call from my midwife and was told that while my glucose was great I am seriously anemic. They are giving me a prescription for iron but is still really frustrating. Especially when this time around I have tried so hard to increase my iron intake. I know that if this is the only complication that I have I will be eternally grateful. It was just one more thing after almost having to go to the Labor and Delivery room due to my stomach bug.

The only hard part is sometimes I feel really alone. I know that my parents, my husband and my daughter are here for me but sometimes I feel the lack of a connection with women my age. Growing up with no sisters this feeling ebbs and flows. I love learning from others and being in association of other women. However, I do feel like an outsider most of the time. I have not always done things the way society would have me do them. I took my time getting married, mostly because I did not want to settle. I knew what I was looking for and I knew it was out there. This is important to know because I had many a proposal. Of course a lot of them I don't count because it was with a couple of months or even days of starting to date. I also am pursuing more education right now with my children being extremely young. I would prefer to stay home but I know that by doing this I am teaching them about the importance of helping and also of education. It is nice to realize that after three years of hard work and sacrifice I will have degree and a teaching license for my family to fall back on if the need should ever arise. Finally I think the hardest part is when I am having difficulties or challenges I just don't say much.

I know I should tell someone when I am ill or struggling or scared but after being alone for so long, the only person I really turn to is my father in heaven. For example Thursday evening I was having some pretty strong contractions and was feeling completely miserable. As I laid in bed crying because I could hold Mackenzie for fear of getting her sick, I began to pray. I knew that whatever the Lord saw fit to happen would happen. I knew that if Hyrum was meant to come early it would happen and if he is meant to come at term the Lord would help me get through the challenges ahead. I know that he is the only person who truly understands everything that goes on in my heart. I am grateful that he has given me a wonderful husband who is so much like him and can see the true intentions and loves of my heart. I know that there is at least one person on this earth who truly knows me. I am so fortunate that I can be with him for all eternity. For being married to your best friend means that you are never truly alone and never truly can feel misunderstood. The Lord truly knew what he was doing when he commanded us to be married.