Reflections

I know it has been a while since I posted. Between my school, Mackenzie's school and doctor visits for the twins, I have not had time but now that I am officially the mother of three girls and one boy, I feel that it is time to for me to post on a matter near and dear to my heart. I am a young mother who happens to also be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I would say that I am a faithful member who is striving to teach her children the gospel line upon line and precept upon precept. With this fact here is what I have to say, I do not desire nor have ever desired to be ordained to the priesthood. I feel complete with the role that I have as wife, mother, daughter and sister to righteous priesthood holders. The priesthood in terms of god authority to act in his name through the ordination of said priesthood is not a right or privilege given only to men in our church. IT IS A RESPONSIBILITY. Let me say it again it is not a right but a responsibility. My parents are converts to the church and as such my father is open and honest with me about the weight of responsibility he feels every time he is asked to perform a task such as a blessing as a representative and voice for our Heavenly Father. He always says he feels completely inadequate. This might be in part because he is hearing impaired and speaks in simple plain terms but I know that because he is so humble and works so hard to be in tune with the spirit that when he has given me a blessing of any kind I have felt the love and presence not only of my earthly father but my heavenly father. I see this same thing with my husband who like my father feels inadequate and worries about how his words and actions reflect on the lord. However, I also see and feel my heavenly father's presence and love in my home as I see my husband give blessings to our children and to me when needed. I DO NOT want that power. In part because I know that it helps the men in my life have a sweeter and closer relationship with our father in heaven and I have that relationship with him already in other ways.

The first way is the fact that I am a wife and mother. As such, I am privy to personal revelation for our family and as I strive to live the gospel I find myself getting answers to the burning questions of my heart such as how do I teach my children the gospel, what should I teach, are they too young, are they getting anything out of what I am doing? Line upon line, or prompting upon prompting my father in heaven tells me what I am doing right and how to improve. Also during my three pregnancies I have come even closer to my father in heaven as I am prayed for the health of my unborn children and left the details of how they came to earth in his hands. As I have placed my life and faith in his hands I have seen amazing miracles in my life. From being able to go to school to finish my teaching degree, to the somewhat healthy arrival of our twin girls without a c-section, or the quick recovery of my son from a severe case of hand-foot-and-mouth disease. I do not feel helpless when I turn to my husband or my father or even someday my son. I actually feel greater support and strength from them.

I understand very well the plight of women through out history but motherhood and the being a helpmate to a righteous man is not a part of it. It is a divine role that we as women have to play. Some unfortunately do not get to play that role in this life but they too help out so much with their divine love, compassion and willingness to help those around them. We as woman of this church are not less than the men in anyway. I have only felt inferior from men who do not live lives in harmony with the teaching of Christ. It is never the divine and righteous men who have made me feel dumb, unimportant or undervalued for my sex. I know that my husband is in no way disappointed that we have three girls. I see how much he adores them and wants to give them all he can. I know that this is how our father in heaven views us, his divine daughters. Just because we don't receive the same responsiblities or roles as others does not mean that we are less, it just means our path is different. One of the devil's greatest tools is the "Grass is Greener" scenerio. BEWARE of it, for it will tear the joy and blessings you have in your own life a way from you faster than anything.

In closing I would say, that the church does not and has never taught any member to treat others who chose different paths than they with contempt, hatred or bigotry. Again this comes not from Christ, who is the head of our church, but of Lucifer and his teachings of selfishness and entitlement. I am grateful for who I am and what I have been sent here to do. I may never be famous or go down in history but I know that my life is worth more than all the heroes and heroines of history, if I just strive to live my life righteously and to fulfill my mission here on earth.

Thanks for your time and I hope that my humble understanding and testimony has helped you in someway.

The Lord's little miracles

First, I want to explain why it has been a while since I posted. We have had a crazy summer with car issues and basement finishing as well as pregnancy. With all this crazy stress we have continued to move forward in faith. Mackenzie is now in preschool and after a rough first day is loving it. Hyrum is growing like a weed and is strong. We call him our little Captain Moroni.

So now for the big news, Monday we had our official ultrasound to find out if we were having another boy or girl and we found out that we are having TWIN girls early next year. While we were shocked at first we are also so thankful for this amazing miracle. The girls are due February 8th but will probably come in January. I will post a pregnancy picture of my twin belly soon but first I need to finish healing. You see last Thursday I noticed a small rash on the nap of my neck. At first I thought it was a cluster of bug bites but when they began to hurt I thought maybe they were hives. I went into the doctor on Tuesday and found out that I have shingles. It is caused by the chicken pox virus that is still in your body after you have had chicken pox. It can be reactivated not only when you are older but also when your body is put under extra stress. It is painful but thankfully Eric and Mackenzie are great at helping me manage the pain. While Hyrum is my wonderful cuddle bug.

All of the recent events in my life have made me stop and think about adversity in our lives. While it may be painful and we may wonder why we are asked to go through these painful times I know that the Lord is there with us. Last night, I woke up in pain as some of my shingles began to pop. Has I was crying from the pain, because shingles are connected to nerve endings, I decided to listen to Hiliary Week's song Beautiful Heartbreak and it help me to remember that while the pain is substantial right now this too will be beautiful in the long run. I  truly believe in what Elder Richard G Scott has said:

"This life is an experience in profound trust-trust in Jesus Christ, trust in his teachings for happiness now and for a purposeful, supremely happy eternal existence. To trust means to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning."

I may not understand now why my family and I have been asked to go through all of these challenges such as car troubles, ill health or unexpected additions but I know that the Lord knows. As I trust in him and try to make it through trials as positively as possible that the beauty of these experiences will come through.